Fruit Salad

Thursday, July 28, 2005

It's Out I

After being so well received by the entire country, we were busting our brains trying to think of how to top Maximum Exposure. This third issue with Borgy on the cover was the issue that created a spot for ICON in this cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, snooty, and high-mortality industry of publishing. Although the success was uplifting, it was also creating an enormous amount of pressure to the staff. We knew it was going to be tough to top the issue, but I didn’t think it was going to be that tough. Here’s why…

First, our art director and layout artist had to leave the publication for a good reason—a better job! Initially, I felt bad because he was such an asset to the magazine. Later on, however, I realized he had already nailed the look of the magazine and all it really needed was continuous fine-tuning and a natural progression. After weeks and weeks of searching, I found ‘the one’ in Dave Calderon. Dave is one of three straight people in the magazine. Although some may view a straight guy art directing a gay magazine as odd, he actually fits into the team seamlessly. More importantly, he and our Creative Director are one the same page.

Second, this issue of power was not only difficult to make because it involved so many personalities, but it also required careful attention and perfection (more than the previous issues). The shoots were tension filled, long and meticulous, and painstaking. It involved many interviews, several changes in line-up, long hours of transcribing, lots of cutting, editing, proofreading, and color correction.

The schedule was horrendous. We were waiting for cover boy who was on holiday for weeks and weeks. We did set a shoot date, but it took another week of endless phone calls and numerous texts messages until he finally reconfirmed the night before the shoot. One can only figure how praning I had become during production. While we were having schedule problems, we were also having concept problems. Thank goodness for talent though because the shoots were amazing.

Lastly, we had printing problems. Turns out the body text wasn’t in the right format. It’s probably too technical to explain so I’ll leave out the details. But at the end of the day, we managed to produce an OUTSTANDING issue—The Issue of Power.

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Contradiction

Bunnee says I contradicted myself in my last post. I did. But, that just shows how confused I am at this point.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

I Want

The last four weeks has been insane. I’m feeling exhausted and uninspired because of physical fatigue, the emotional rollercoaster at work, my personal life, and the constant need to balance so many personalities. Yes, the work place is problematic. We’ve been having issues left and right, one after another. As soon as one is resolved, another one, bigger and better springs up. First the issue with my editor, then the issue with the publication, then the issue with our distribution manager, then that of our business manager, then our editorial assistant, then our account executive, and now our supposed cover girl. I have issues too, personal ones at least, that hasn’t been tackled just because I simply don’t want to add to the “then” list above. I want to scream at frustration, bail out on everything, and just walk away from it all. But, there’s no room or time for that because I have so many other responsibilities—ICON, my sister’s wedding, and volleyball.

This is all my fault. I want too much. I’m spreading myself too thin and it’s true… I can’t do it all.

Right now, my life continues to be plagued with unanswered questions and uncertainty. My problem is I don’t know what I want. This is probably the sole reason why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. I’m trying to do too many things because I don’t know what I want. And as a result, I’m feeling even more stressed.

This problem has plagued me for years now and it is a hurdle I try to pass, but fail to when I’m just about to make the big leap. In high school, I thought I wanted to end up in med school so I pursued what pride was dictating. At the back of my head, I knew I wasn’t cut out for it. But guess what? My stubborn self stuck it out and realized much much later that I already had answers in the beginning. Even in my previous relationship, I knew she wasn’t the one for me, but the idiot that I am, I stuck on with it longer than I should have. I should have partied in college, had random sex, and lived life like there was no tomorrow. Now that I look back, I’m seeing a life full of regret.

So, what is it that I really want?

I want a successful career. I want fame. I want to be a homeowner. And most of all, I want peace of mind.

I want ICON to be so successful that it will become the envy of all people. I want to be respected as a coach. I want fame—not temporary fame that I’ll end up being a has-been after one or two years. I’m not working towards being TV famous or society famous. I want to be known, as someone who is good at what he does, but not necessarily be recognized on the street. I want to own a home, my own home in the next two years because that to me is a measure of success and an assurance of a stable life ahead. And stability is peace of mind.

I’ve been working like a dog, and hopefully this hard work will pay off.

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Saturday, July 09, 2005

Last

Last cigarette: 7 minutes ago

Last car ride: Thursday, July 7

Last kiss: Last Night

Last good cry: More like last good tear...last wednesday

Last Library book checked out: Spring Semester 2002

Last movie seen: War of the Worlds

Last book read: The Devil Wear Prada (still trying to get through the shopping book)

Last food consumed: Mango Merigue Cake 30 minutes ago

Last crush: *beep*

Last phone call: Some random client

Last TV show watched: Oprah

Last time showered: 9:00 am earlier today

Last shoes worn: My white Beetle Bugs

Last CD played: Wala

Last item bought: Jack Spade tote in the wrong size

Last downloaded: A script font for True North magazine

Last annoyance: At myself for... nevermind

Last disappointment: again... nevermind

Last soda drank: Regular Coke

Last thing written: A cost estimate for today's shoot

Last key used: House key or the R key

Last words spoken: "This is going to take a while" (directed to Kate, referring to our shoot)

Last sleep: Last night

Last IM: Tagal na friend

Last sexual fantasy: Right after Pam leaves the office... bwahahahaha

Last weird encounter: The last two weeks

Last ice cream eaten: Choconut Ice Cream from Raymund's birth "month"

Last time amused: Tuesday night

Last time wanting to die: Yesterday. Gosh, I'm so emotional

Last time in love: Right now

Last time hugged: This morning...sleeping next to Bun

Last chair sat in: My red office chair

Last time you went dancing: Pride Party at Government

Last show attended: Once on this Island

Last web page visited: Friendster

Last fruity photo taken: Tali Beach

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Thursday, July 07, 2005

Officemates

I've been working for Portfolio for two and half years now and I've always expressed my desire to work with people my age. If you're familiar with the Portfolio staff, you'll know that more senior employees dominate the company. I've longed for days when I could hang out with friends after work and talk about office gossip. After some waiting, I finally have Kate and Pam.

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With the workload at Portfolio though, we have about six to eight cigarette breaks to really talk. Lately, I've been bothering Kate to have dinner because we've only really hung out once since she entered Portfolio. Plus, I know she has tons to tell me. Pam and I, on the other hand, have hung out at places like Saguijo and Government, but she or I don't end up staying long because... um, we enjoy different things.

Recently, we've been hanging out quite a bit and that makes me very happy. We had a really good time at Raymund's Birthday dinner in the studio. Kate and Pam watched the volleyball Grand Prix with me on separate days over the weekend and just two nights ago we had dinner and drinks at Haiku and Nuvo with L.A. Lopez. It was a lot of fun.

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What I love about these girls is that we have enough common things to carry long conversations and at the same time, we also have differences that allow us to learn from each other. I've never told them how important they are to me not only because of the friendship, but also because they can tell me exactly what's wrong with me. I have few friends that can tell me that.

I love it that they can tell me I'm not direct when I should be or that I spend on unnecessary things or that my accessory isn't working. I also love the fact that we can be serious, bitchy, and wacky, and more importantly I love it that we watch out for each other.

I love these girls to bits.

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Flashbacks

It has been two years since my family was complete. My two eldest sisters Arlene and Sherry have been living in Paris and San Francisco respectively for over three years now. Arlene flew back home to prepare for her wedding in August, and Sherry flew in this morning with her daughter Alexis. A lot has happened while they were gone--family problems that were very difficult to handle. My sisters have always been a constant source of strength that I couldn't get from anywhere else, not even my parents. During those trying times they weren't around. Fortunately, Richie was with me.

Over breakfast today, my sisters and I were catching up on exciting news and not so exciting news. Suddenly, I was getting emotional because of flashbacks that I don't want to remember ever again. My current issues and not so fond memories were simply too much to handle all at once. Thankfully, I can look to better things like this...

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